tell your sister to shave her snatch
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
