Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
