i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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