omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
