i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
