My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
