A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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