Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
