I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
