Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dear god my vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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