Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
