you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was like eating out sand paper
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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