and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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