Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
