I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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