I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
