A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
