apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
