Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
