i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
