i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
