My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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