Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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