see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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