apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
