my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
