my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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