i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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