Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
