We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
