Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
