I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
