Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
