I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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