how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
