do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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