you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
