Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let's get the cat blown out
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
