can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
