fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
