Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
