I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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