is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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