I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize