You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
