i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
