He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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