I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
