Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
