Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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