we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
