I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
