You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
