weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
