you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
