i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
