AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
