he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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