I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
