i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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