it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
