My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
